Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Happy New Year

The coming year is significantly happy for me because I’m planning on going to my home country. My parents, friends and of course my favorite men.
Smile. It takes almost 30 hours to get there, first either London or Frankfurt or Istanbul. I think the best airlines are English or German, I still hesitate taking Turkish or Russian.
I have to mention that last time I flew with British airways the service was terrible. The only thing I ask for was water and it came on a third time I asked and after couple hours. It stopped me from tipping them.
Going away somewhere is always nice, especially if your bf travels more than many stewardesses. I believe a woman should never be alone, especially young woman. You never know what can happen while you are earning your double points for mileage you are doing on the air.
So happy New Year everybody and with me luck to find nice man in 2009!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Do Something Good Before The Year Ends

Something like give your girlfriend those damn flowers she wanted to get for a year. If you don’t have a girlfriend- get one. As for women I think this year please, don’t give yourself promises that you will not keep- like going to the gym the first day of the year and which will last a day only.

We are all so quick to make plans for the new year, beginning from the first day. At the same time we have to remember to choose achievable goals so we don’t get frustrated and leave whatever we were going to do and jump onto another task, later leaving it done half way.
This year I have a special mission to do before the year ends, but not starting at the beginning of a new one as every year. I have many friends I haven’t seen for a long time and they might think they are forgotten, but it’s not true.

I already made a list of people I will visit and places I will go. No, it’s not Hawaii or Bahamas. When I worked in a nursing home I’ve met a very nice woman who had nobody in this entire world. She would sit by the window and wait for her daughter who left her and never came back. Rose used to say that her daughter is very busy with work or give some other excuses.
Rose is on the top of my list.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

What To Do If You Don’t Celebrate Christmas

I don’t, because it’s not my religious holiday. Most people in Kyrgyzstan are Muslim and my bf is Jewish, his mom being from Jerusalem and father from Poland. But we do exchange gifts. I don’t know why. Every day is a gift with him, but on Christmas everybody give each other gifts, and I feel obliged to give gifts to my friends when they do it. So, living here in US for almost 3 Christmases I realized that Christmas does not care who you are, where you’re from, what color is your skin- you got to be happy and exchange gifts. I like it, I feel blended in the local culture and don’t feel a stranger anymore. Just one questions remains- I don’t have to change my religion, do I?

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

How To Make A Man Do Everything You Want

I have read a very interesting article on when and how to make your man do whatever you want and decided to share it with women who don’t know it yet. Even if they know, it’s just a reminder. I’ll print it and read it once in a while too, just to remember how to train my man. It might be very useful for women who are dating, looking for a date, just got married or planning on getting married. For those who have been married for a long time the author says it might be too late, hence the time is wasted and your husband has already gotten used to the rules and might appear too stiff to be trained. According to that article the honeymoon is the best time to start training your husband.

Training, as I understood is not offending at all, and shouldn’t be to the men who will read this. Why? Just because the woman is the one who is responsible for the family. Just because nature programmed men in a way that they should be going hunting, making great scientific and geographical discoveries, go to war and die to win them. So women are the ones who create the family and they can have the right to choose the man, to love him, to train him and if he is good- live with him. Imagine you’re working with clay and while it’s new, wet and soft- you can make any shapes, but when it dries up forget about it.

Some women wonder after 10 years of living together and trying to change him just not working. “I’ve been living with you ten years and you've never given me flowers and never bought me gifts!” and the husband honestly says “But you never told me you liked flowers and wanted gifts!” and he is right! He's just one of the millions of husbands that are not trained. You can get anything you ever wanted in your honeymoon, while his love is still hot, not that it will cool down later but it will become a habit. And we have to cultivate good habits like taking care of you, bringing you flowers, cleaning after himself, buying you gifts at least once a month and very expensive ones every 6 months. You can make your own list and he will do it all. How? Just give him hints, make sad faces and in the cases when your man is super dumb- tell him.

Monday, December 8, 2008

How To Get The Best Man

Every girl dreams of prince charming on his white horse and castle in the downtown of Wonderland. He should be young, handsome, wealthy, strong, smart, love her princess to death and very forgiving of her little whims. You don’t have enough fingers on your both hands to count the criteria. Ok, then you want it all but what do you have to give back?

Unfortunately most or all women will say “Myself!”. Wouldn’t it be too little?! There are millions of women like you- young, beautiful and single. Millions of young women have very soft skin, long legs, beautiful eyes. But the prince Charming cannot fall on a first beauty, he can afford to choose. So, why he specifically choose you? What differs you from other beautiful women?

Beauty without the skills to offer is worth nothing because it will fade over time. The most important is individuality. Beauties from fabric are very popular, but as mistresses and not as wives. And they are changed pretty often.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Harm Of Emotional Love

I have never been a big fan of those “feminine” novels and soap operas full of emotional love. Pure emotional love - is a lie. Then, what about Romeo and Juliette? Shakespeare was a genius, he knew the maze of human souls. He knew that great emotional love of Romeo and Juliette wouldn’t survive, so a tragic end actually was a happy end. Only thanks to that end did we have an etalon of ideal love.

Let’s imagine a different ending to that story. They got married and lived together up to the age of 50. How would their relationship look like then? I bet less romantic! Juliette, the mother of a big family would be unhappy from the lack of money to support the family. Romeo would be visiting younger ladies and drink to forget his unhappy family life. The other version is Romeo suffering from Juliette’s cheating on him because she is disappointed in him and seeks comfort with another man. Maybe they just don’t love each other anymore and filed for divorce.

If anyone experiences that type of big, emotional love- sooner or later (some months or max a year) time will come to pay for that. Any psychologist would tell us not to trust emotions- good or bad. Not to trust when we just met our love or parting. Anyone would agree with me that emotions and adjective are way more expressive when people divorce rather than marry.

So what is the reason that emotion love is only temporarily? Why it doesn’t last long? The reason is that when we experience emotional love we love only ourselves, and the partner is only secondary. All of us just in need to feed our Ego. We are just using other people as a tool to bring us love to ourselves. No, we love ourselves all the time, just from time to time we need to see it in the mirror. It took me 6 years to understand that. For some it takes eternity and for others never.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

In Love With Two Men

It was one of the hardest periods in my life. Thankfully it continued not for long, only a year. I couldn’t let go of either one. One used to work in the KGB and he could find out any time about me cheating on him. He was able to find any files about anyone’s personal life, but I was a tough nut to crack. The strange thing is I didn’t consider it cheating because I loved him too. I loved both of them. My other boyfriend knew I had an old one and was patiently waiting for my farewell with the old one. As I said earlier, it all continued around a year.

Rotating week-end dates, lies about getting sick or my relative getting sick, extra days work, business trips just exhausted me completely. There has been many times when I was almost got caught telling a lie. My heart would go down to my feet before I would say the truth and stop myself on time. All my friends and girl friends were informed and I don’t think they were proud of me. They loved my boyfriend and were in a dead end as well when they met the new one. Both of them were very good-looking, charming personality and so kind and nice to me. Finally they understood me.

When you go to the store with a budget of $100 and there are two dresses that cost $100 each and you like both of them, you cannot keep trying them. You have to make a choice and buy only one. I had put one on another and trying to steal one dress from the store. And it wasn’t nice at all. My pride and human sense wouldn’t allow me to do that. I was just walking around in the store. The situation resolved without me making the choice. Old, almost dying parent of my new boyfriend called him and made him promise to marry a friend of family’s daughter. So he moved away from the city and I regained my peace.

Friday, December 5, 2008

How To Break Up

I don’t know, but I’m trying. Every time I think I got rid of him he appears again and it all starts all over. Usually he gives me a month break. Then he comes and tells me that he loves me, gives me flowers and sweeter kisses. I just don’t know how to end it. Never had that problem. The worst thing is that we are compatible in many levels : communication, role division, trust, emotions, interests, education and many tastes. The only problem is - he is afraid of commitment. I had many boyfriends who were afraid of commitment, but the other good half was normal.

So I already had broken up with him 3 times. If only he wasn’t afraid of commitment we wouldn’t break up, or not so often at least. I just went to the North to find some good men, as soon as I came back he was waiting for me. We are meeting for dinner on my next day-off, he doesn’t know, but it will be our last dinner together.

A very good friend told me I won’t find my Mr. Right while I’m still with Mr. Wrong. He is not even a Mr. Wrong, he is Mr. Scared of Commitment.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Can Friendship Exist Between Men And Women

Many might say no but if you think about it, it does make sense. Do men like knitting, shopping and just doing nothing? Usually no but I have a male friend whom I can rely on for anything and I know he will be there for me. My ex-husband was very jealous of our chats over some sweets and a cup of tea in our kitchen. We could talk for hours and hours.

My ex was not only jealous, but he didn’t believe there can be a real friendship between men and women. One day he came home and said he is in a big trouble at work and he needs a big amount of money in 24 hours. I had no idea what to do, where to get the money. I called my friend, he tried to comfort me that everything will be ok. I heard knocking at our door early next morning. There was my friend, he had red eyes. He looked like he didn’t sleep all night. The only thing he said was “Here is the money”. I was shocked. I knew he was a real friend, but where did he get the money? As I found out later he went through all his friends and all possible ways to find that money for my ex to save my family.

But the most shocking thing was that my ex made up everything and he didn’t need any money, the whole plan was just to test how much my friend would do for me. Our friendship was purely platonic and nothing that would go beyond that. Even after the divorce we stayed the same way. Honestly, I didn’t want to change anything because we were great friends and soul mates, but an actual relationship would ruin that and friendship means me more than any kind of relationship. Later I would joke that if I get married again he would be my made of honor.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Why Young Women Love To Date Older Men

There has been millions of discussions on this topic and still it seems there is no answer. Why? Because there is always a new generation of young women and older men. So now they want to know and the eternal question arises again. There are many answers to it. One of them would be the maturity.

Physically and mentally women mature earlier, thus the difference between the two genders. Older men and younger women understand each other much better than mates. If you ever saw children playing in the playground girls always play role games in the house pretending to be moms and visiting each other while boys are busy with cars and running around. Girls are ahead learning about family structure and how to take care of everybody. By the time girls graduate from the universities boys are still thinking what they are going to be when they will grow up.

No woman likes when a man doesn’t know what to say in social circles, doesn’t know that she needs flowers for any occasion and doesn’t give little happy gifts. By the time a man learns those skills a woman gets 10-15 years older than him and usually because of him. As a young married woman I felt deprived many times. My young husband didn’t know I needed more than just great intimate relationships. I wanted him to introduce me to something new, something I didn’t know.

Exploring new things together was great, but he was still behind me in many aspects. Our conversations wouldn’t go out of our kitchen. Older men know a lot usually and young men can know a lot too, but it’s so hard to find them. Maybe they hide in the libraries? Money problems always sounds like a shallow topic to mention, but usually men by their 40th have decent jobs and better lifestyles.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Who Should Decide Your Future

Just like the good old days, everybody is concerned why I'm still single especially my father who thinks I will get old and nobody will ever marry me and I will live with them forever. It’s a good idea, a daughter who cleans, cooks and takes care of the house and everybody in it. But still he was persistent with the idea to find me a husband even though my mom wasn’t that much concerned.

I don’t think any parent in any culture other than mine would bring his friend’s son and lock him in a room with his daughter on their first date. I don’t remember seeing this lanky, face full of pimples “fiancĂ©” before. “Hi” he said after forever lasting silence. “If you think you are going to marry me, the answer is No! I don’t like you. I want to marry someone I know and someone I love and don’t even try to argue!” After that he was harmless. I don’t think it was his initiative to come and see me and he definitely wasn’t ready to start a family.

I told him that when our parents come in to ask us out we will just sit and tell them that we didn’t like each other and if they want we can be friends, but we had different interests to be husband and wife. “Why do you have to have similar interests? One of you has to be a wife and the other a husband!” our fathers were surprised. They meant I have to stay in the kitchen and he will work and support myself and our kids. I keep asking the heavens when it will be over. When finally will we be able to find our husbands and wives by ourselves. Hope that day is not that far, so we will be responsible for our own mistakes.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Perfect Gift For Him

Again the stress of the holidays and you have to get thousands of gifts for all your loved ones, your friends, neighbors, teachers and coworkers. But the most important gift is always the hardest to find for him. Generally it’s so hard to find gifts for men. They have everything and they don’t need much. Women on the other hand seem to constantly need of all those big and little things

It’s not that hard to find presents for women. Since the world is all commercialized now, it puts pressure on all women what to buy for everybody. I wouldn’t go as far as buying a present for him, I prefer to make it myself. Isn’t that the whole idea of Christmas? To desire something from your heart and create it with your hands.

I thought I might need some art craft kit, but I stopped when I saw my friend knitting a pullover for her husband. Ok, what do you have together? Good memories, lizard pet, love for tennis, couple trips. So now I find myself questioning what I can come up with. I really want to make it with my hands, like the times when I was a little girl and didn’t have money to buy a good gift for my mom. At that time I wanted to buy French perfume, a beautiful dress, pearls, all the nice things. Now that I can afford it, I have realized that my little gifts were more valuable in a sentimental sense.

As we will live our lives I would want him to remember my little gift. The secret of the present will be revealed on the 25th.