Tuesday, September 30, 2008

You Have No New Messages

My philosophy professor was a very funny and sarcastic man. He mentioned to all 80% of female population of the class in one of his lectures that if you met a guy and you exchanged numbers- do not call him first. Let him call you, if not he will never call, no matter how you guard the phone 24/7. Now, after so many years I still remember what he said and try to follow his wise advice. My answering machine was constantly telling me with it’s rude and snobbish voice “You have no new messages!”.

Women pay attention to all minor details, that is why they age faster and experience all kinds of temper changes that some people call “she became such a b!”. That explains everything. Just one new nice message a day could change her day, maybe a week or even life. Would you go to your female dentist if she have been hearing no new messages whole week? Me neither. Coming from a culture where woman never makes the first step I was quite concerned if I should call first or wait, especially I heard enough about men who sit behind the screen and can type anything you want to hear, but then afraid to call you. So forget about meeting.

Feminists were fighting for the rights of women to vote, to lead, to make their own choices, but what about simple phone call? Did they think about it? What would they say? Since they want everybody be at the same level of rights and responsibilities they would say it does not matter. Then it becomes subject of ethics or more of common sense. I heard common sense is no longer common nowadays. I might be wrong, but I’m very open minded to any ideas and suggestions, because I’m waiting for a call. And cannot make it myself yet.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Love Of My Life or Oh, That Old Feeling Again

Every woman has at least one man in her life she was flying with in the clouds. So far I had two. Maybe some have ten, who knows? Have anybody experienced a feeling that by every person that comes into your life you say to yourself “He is the one!”. Women in their twenties say it more often, probably than women in their fifties. What about in between? Two controversies come to meet as the time passes by: “I am getting older” and “Life is just starting”. Which one is correct? It all depends on situation, people I socialize with. And I would advice to stay as far away as possible from people who complain all the time and who are depressed all the time.

It is not normal, they feed themselves complaining, they get charged from you. So when I am around joyful people life is just starting and world laughs with me, not at me and sun shines for me not causing skin cancer. That what I felt when I met second great love of my life, or as I was getting mature every year, I said to myself that is was actually one and only love of my life. How did I know? How I was so sure? I don’t know… You just have to feel it.

We are all romantics, yes, I mean women and men also. I bet behind that man who is mowing your lawn and a man who is sitting right now in his private jet to go to Italian opera in Rome there is same ideal date and woman they secretly want to put on the pedestal and adore. There might be some differences in financial accomplishments of two of those ideas, but after all we are all romantics.

So our first evening starts in one of the best sushi restaurants in South Beach and after we go to enjoy the view of the city and the bay. Believe me, he was all ready: two crystal glasses and bottle of wine. The night should have ended with a kiss, no other way. On our way back I felt pity for the night was over and felt I was Cinderella again. The dream was almost over. The chemistry was in the first two seconds. Why the good things finish so fast?!

The rides on the back of his motorcycle took my breath away. At those moments I was physically flying. I wouldn’t wish for anything but him. The Valentine’s Day was coming soon and I had my own plans how to spend it, but I guess they differ from his plans and he had to go to business trip to another city. We had a nice lunch together, but he didn’t give me neither a flower or chocolate. I was confused. But by the end of February a surprise was waiting for me in the form of his ex-girlfriend.

The love of my life was too scared to face me telling this horrible news. An email or worse on online chat he tells me that his ex is pregnant and it might be him. Both of them were drunk and she does not believe in abortion. Who is she, Sara Palin’s daughter or follower? But he was sure he was never would be able to live with her. Love is gone or never been there. Considering that and my great love for him I offered my help as if we will be together, I am more than happy to adopt that child, but the condition it has been conceived worried me a bit

Treat others as you want to be treated, and I wanted to be understood, forgiven and accepted as I am. Yell if you want to be yelled at. My love appreciated my move, although being shocked at my reaction. I thought you would get upset and make a scandal, he said. Yes, I did get upset, but it’s too late and I couldn’t change anything, I should make it only better if I could. We all lack basic human concepts when it comes to some decisions we have to make as we live along this show called life.

Friday, September 26, 2008

“David, Chair Or Monster-in-law”

Ok, now I found a very nice apartment with a beautiful view I need some furniture. First I thought of Ikea, but before that decided to give a chance to local brands. Sofa, boudoir, and some accessories. I don’t want to tell the name of the store because all single women will rush there after what I saw there. No, not a sofa or boudoir, not even close. Something much better.
Have you seen the stature of David by Michelangelo? Amazing, isn’t it? So I have seen it alive, and in furniture store! Again, I’m not telling you the location. No.

Anyway, his name was Al and I came home not only with my furniture but also with someone who brought it and put it together. I just love furniture stores now! Not that I am looking for men with a David’s body type and looks like Keanu Reeves, but at the same time the statement that people say in my country that for man it is enough of beauty if he is a little better than a gorilla.

They say men are visual and women are auditory, in other words love with their ears. It is not all true, women love little beauty as well. Anyway, back to my Apollo or David, we started dating and seeing each other once or twice a week. Considering the distance of 70 miles between us it was getting harder and harder to drive back and forth for my carpenter. That was not the only concern of mine, more was his female friends. Not that I am a jealous type, just if there is a smoke - look for a fire.

I have never met so many people through any of my boyfriends than with him. Every week he would introduce me at least to ten new people, friends of him. I even started become thankful when they would leave us by ourselves at night. We somehow could cope there alone. Disasters strike us unwarned. My little boy’s mommy was coming to live with him. He was terrified, imagine how I felt. I should mention that I have a big experience with mother-in-laws and prefer not to go through that path again if I have a choice. So between boyfriend with a great body and looks but the one that comes in a package with a mother-in-law for me and freedom but further unfurnished apartment I have chosen the latter. It might tell something different about me than people imagine, but that was my choice and I believe it was right one. Is it right that the bets place is where we are not?

Monday, September 22, 2008

Blindsided By New Environment

The idea of writing a blog about my life have been bothering me for a long time. Every once in a while I was thinking hey, I've got to write this down, tell the world. Do only women have this feeling to let everybody know what is going on in their life? Do men feel that necessity as well? If only men knew how it is important to talk about all issues, they wouldn't have issues like heart attack and middle life crisis. I would like to come back to this subject later, but now it's time to talk about me.

So who am I? Where am I from, and what am I doing with my life?
I'm 24 year old pretty Asian girl looking for a meaning of all existence and trying to find a reason of all that. I've come from a small country in Central Asia, at the present being sucked by strong neighbors and globalization. There are over hundred languages disappearing every day, so should I be worried about that? Or would I help anyhow? Unfortunately, no. I might be called a betrayer, since I have left my country and came to find my happiness and luck in a country where anybody can dream and actually achieve their dreams.

Let me tell you how it all started. Even if I would work days and nights I wouldn't get any further in my career or some personal achievements in my country. Why? Because you need connections, money or be involved in some kind of crime. Pure ambitions will not take you far. So what would a young, pretty, relatively smart and intelligent girl do without all those assets?! The answer came when I met my first boyfriend who was much older than me. He started taking care of my basic needs even without me telling him. I liked that a lot. Who wouldn't?!

It was early morning, so he made a wonderful start of my day. I still feel how happy I was that day. Surprises followed like mushrooms after the rain. He found me a job I needed, however the place I had my internship had a official invitation for me to work there, just the salary wasn't right. He wanted me to succeed and be happy with myself. Next was a brand new cell phone I enjoyed playing with, then pair of shoes I was dreaming about. Besides that, every date was a fashionable upscale restaurant. He had his own business and could afford all those luxuries I wouldn't have idea about. So what did I bring into the relationship? My love, devotion and being there for him whenever he needed me.

Although he was showering me with gifts and all kinds of finer things and taking me places I wanted the relationship to move to the next level and ask him for some kind of proof or commitment. I knew he loved me and I loved him too, but something was wrong. Every time I wanted to talk about serious side, about what we were doing next he would become quiet and think a lot. I didn't want to lose a boyfriend all the girls I knew were dreaming about. And I kept postponing that subject. All my girl friends were jealous and they had benefited quite a lot as well. Hey, they got to go to nice places as well, see things we saw only on TV and dine in the best restaurants of the city.

Soon or later it should have happened. We had very serious talk. I couldn't believe what he told me. The ground started slipping under my foot. He said he was M-A-R-R-I-E-D!!! All kind of thoughts were flying around in my brain, but I couldn't talk, I was paralyzed. He was married, all this time I was with a married man, he has children, he has wife he spends nights with. I was jealous, betrayed, lied, insulted, and fooled like a 6 year old.
He left me to think about it and being sorry for not telling me that truth from the beginning. His excuse was that he was too scared to lose me. Now you have lost me forever.

He knew I would never date him if I knew he was married, but the temptation was stronger than any responsibilities or beliefs.
Now here I am young and beautiful helping some 39 year old to cheat on his wife. How do you think I should feel? Will I ever be able to look straight into people's eyes and be same confident in my self and my purity.
Not that I have lost my innocence with him, no, it was lost way before with the first love of my life. Maybe if you are lucky, I will tell you more about him, but now it was dilemma that I had to resolve as soon as
possible. The solution came by it's own. The place I worked for wanted to send me to US for some courses for improvement of my English and it was an easy escape for me.